Human Confidence and Stupidity: All in One Vexing Letter

ORIGINAL VERSION

(To whoever gets to understand this letter, CONGRATULATIONS!)

The following is a letter found at a certain bar in Manila and has been preserved in its original, unedited form. Enjoy reading and you may try direct translation in Tagalog. Pls. read with feelings…

October 1996,

To Marije,

I am not surprise or wander why Dennis leave you why? What reason can you think but you're very fat body. I thought before that Dennis only use me to his toy but sooner and later I'm realize that he really can't not beared or stomached to be with you anymore because at first, Dennis say he could not stand you're habit of making pakialam all his walks (lakad) and always calling to their house what he go home or this or that.

And then he say he get ashame to me either in school or in his family and then asking you to exercise you're very very, very fat body. But you hate it. Thought you're the most preetiest girls he knows about. What do you think you are "BeautifulGirl" of Jose Marie Chan?

Even you are beautiful face (to your think) you do not have the right to called me whatsoever or else difference name one time or the other for the real purposed to insults my personality because I'm never call you names either in the fronts of Dennis or in the backs of Dennis, but if you start already to calling me different name, I don't have any other choice but to call you other different name to. Like you are a, PIG, FAT, OBESSED, OVERWIGHT, AND UGLY SHAPE girl. Shame to you're body that is to a BUDING.

You can't not blame Dennis for exchanging you to me because I am the more sexier that you when you look to us in the mirror. I'm repeat again that you are like Ike Lozada when she is a girl.

Love,

The sexiest Girl of D.M.
P.S.
You say that I'm the bad breathe but who is Dennis want to kissed. Me or you? And the final is me. There you go.

EDITED VERSION

October 1996

To Marije,


I am not surprised or wondering why Dennis left you. You know why? Because you're very fat. I thought before that Dennis only used me like a toy but sooner or later I realized that he can't really bear or stomach to be with you anymore because to begin with, Dennis said that he couldn't stand your habit of snooping in his business and always calling his house whenever.


And he said he's ashamed of you whether at school or in his family and that he's asking to exercise your very, very fat body. But you hate it. Though you're the prettiest girl he has ever known, do you think you are the "Beautiful Girl" of Jose Marie Chan?


Even if you have a beautiful face (at least that's what you think) you do not have the right to call me in any different name or the real one to insult my personality because I never called you names either in front or at the back of Dennis, but if you start calling me different names, I don't have any other choice but to call you in a different name too. Like, you are a pig, you're fat, obsessed, overweight, and an ugly-shaped girl. Shame to your body that is like a building.


You can't blame Dennis for replacing you with me because I am sexier than you when you compare ourselves in the mirror. I'll repeat that again: you're like a female version of Ike Lozada.
Love,The Sexiest Girl of D.M.
P.S.You say that I have a bad breath but who does Dennis want to kiss, you or me? The answer is me.

Priceless reaction:

Okay, with words now. This is a great piece of evidence of today's human stupidity, with a little of confidence. This letter utterly destroyed what's little of left of my already drained patience to human stupidity. It took me several cups of coffee, milk, and hundreds of minutes of calming songs to just finish this. And I must say, I am extremely glad that I have completed putting these incomprehensible thoughts of the sender into the right words. I just want to thank my friends for the help, because without them, I will be an aimless wanderer and a mental patient by the next paragraph I read. I used context clues here to the fullest and what I learned from a recent topic in English class to put this thing into words to the best I can all the while trying to maintain the original thought here. 
And there you have it! Appreciate my efforts, please.